When moving abroad, family, friends, new neighbors and perfect strangers will want to know if you're feeling at home. One way of doing that - especially the Indian way, is by asking, “Are you settled yet?”

I'm unsure how to answer this question. For me, feeling settled is about more than living in a comfortable home; it's also about understanding the lifestyle, feeling I can fit in and knowing where things are and how to get there, understanding the value of money and many more criteria. Feeling settled includes many aspects – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and many more.

From this I’ve learned a few tips on improving one’s comfort level when moving abroad:

1.  Admit when you’re uncomfortable

People feel discomfort for a variety of reasons. Sit down and try to figure out why you’re uncomfortable and if there’s anything you can do to alleviate this discomfort. Sometimes discomfort comes from culture shock as well. There are ways to figure out if you have culture shock. Ask yourself what aspects of the new culture you’re in that you think feels different, odd, uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Try to learn more about that to fit in better.

If someone tells you they’re uncomfortable, facing culture shock or homesickness, it may be easy to tell them to ‘forget it’ or ‘just go home’, but having myself being told this, it makes me more uncomfortable, misunderstood and lost. If someone mentions to you that they’re uncomfortable please be gentle with them. They’re trying to open up to you. They may share something about the host country that’s troubling them. Don’t take this as an offense if you’re a local. Try to understand it from their point of view and give them tips on your culture and how to feel more comfortable. That person will appreciate it more than you know.

2.  Understand where you are

Take out a map and find out where you are in relation to other things in your neighborhood or in your metro area. It makes one feel more comfortable to know where they are in relation to other things. Try to figure out where the stores, malls or libraries and parks or places you’d like to visit are. If you don’t drive try to be the navigator for your spouse or driver and see if you can get to the right place. If you can you will feel victorious!

There are some roads in our new neighborhood I still don’t know. Though we have been on them many times, I test myself to see if I know the way by saying ‘take a right here’ or ‘a left there’ and often I’m wrong. This increases my discomfort because I don’t know where I am in relation to anything. It would be easy for me to get lost if I do go out on my own. I know I am not ready for that - hence on this level I also don’t feel settled.

Some people also ask me if I’ll learn driving. People may assume that since I knew driving it was always comfortable for me in USA. That is not true. I absolutely abhor driving through and in cities in the US. I get extreme anxiety and have to have someone else drive me around or I’d prefer public transportation. And, that is my own country too!

3. Reach out and ask for help from the locals

If you can speak the local language be brave, speak up and ask for help. People love to help others, it makes them feel useful. Good places to go where a lot of people ask for help in the US are mall information booths and libraries. Go to the reference section and ask the librarian about resources in your neighborhood.

In India, I have no knowledge about these things, so I have asked my neighbors and family for help (since my husband’s Indian and his family is in this city). It helps increase my comfort a lot when others help. But first I have to be brave enough to ask. I’ve asked for help on a range of topics like phrases in the local language, where to buy vegetables and how to avoid worms in them (a common problem here), best brands of home appliances, how to get an inverter installed, how to get water when our tank is empty, the school system here, restaurants and a host of other things.

4.  Find out if the problems you’re facing are ‘normal’

Sometimes when we move abroad we face problems we would never face ‘back home’ or in our previous city or country. Therefore, taken out of context of the culture and lifestyle of that place, we may feel ‘we are the only one experiencing that’. Therefore, referring to the 3rd tip, go out and find a local you could get some advice from on your problem. You may be pleasantly surprised to find out this is a ‘normal problem’ and they’ll have good advice and tips to overcome this problem.

A good example that just happened to me two days ago was cutting open a cauliflower. I wanted to make aloo gobi and bought a gobi (head of cauliflower), took it home and started to cut it open. I noticed a worm the size of my pinky finger. I stepped back aghast. I may have almost screamed. First I thought it was a twig that got in there then I realized otherwise as I saw tons of tiny green worms crawling out of it. Then I got freaked out, put the gobi back in the bag, threw it away and decided to make a frantic, crisis-call to my neighbor. Being an Indian who lived in US, I felt she can shed some light on the situation.

I went to her house immediately and starting knocking on the door. I was relieved (kind of) to learn that this is a common problem and generally for gobi, people soak it in water, turmeric and salt which brings all the worms out and kills them. No one blinks an eye about it or thinks it’s abnormal. In fact, the more surprising part is, having come from this background when she lived in US, she prepared gobi the same way and when no worms came out she got worried! Just goes to show how perspective means so much.

I hope some of these tips have been helpful. What tips do you have for feeling settled when moving – especially moving abroad?

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http://authenticjourneys.blogspot.com/

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